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.. As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
... The Hidden language of the classified car advert...
..before it blows up.
..I was going to say "runs excellent" but I had a last-minute conscience attack.
NEEDS SOME BODY WORK
..was blindsided by a Winnebago.
..I changed the oil occasionally.
LOOKS LIKE NEW
..just don't try to drive it anywhere.
..I never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced.
LOADED WITH OPTIONS
..each one more troublesome than the next.
NEVER SMOKED IN
..unfortunately, that's the best thing I can say about it.
LOTS OF POTENTIAL
NEEDS MINOR REPAIR
.. During the big DUI Dragnet, a Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular local bar, hoping for a bust.
At closing time as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car. After trying his keys on five others, he finally found his own vehicle.
He sat in the car a good ten minutes as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.
The Patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise the man blew a 0.00! The Patrolman was dumbfounded!
"This equipment must be broken!" exclaimed the Patrolman.
"I doubt it," said the drunk, "tonight I'm the Designated Decoy!"